Birthday time!

My first baby turned 6 today.   I can't believe it has been 6 years already.   I can't believe Xander will be going to 1st grade in a few weeks.  I remember the day of his birth.   It was the same as today,  a sunny July Sunday morning.  I had been admitted to the hospital around 1 am, shortly after my water broke in bed!   After hours of labor my baby was born at 9:44 am.  You see birth stories where they first hand the newborn to the new mom and she eagerly grabs her baby and just holds them and smiles.   That didn't happen to me at all.   I was still dealing with the shock that my daughter was actually a son.  (A story for a different time.)  Then I was terrified to hold this fragile creature.   I couldn't believe the nurses would actually trust a person like me with a new baby.   I had almost no baby experience,  so those first few weeks were baby boot camp for me.  Since Xander is my first child,  every stage is new to me.   I know he has changed so much from his birth,  but I have changed a lot too.   I have learned a lot about myself.   I have struggled to learn how to meet the needs of my children and balance my life.   I keep praying and working on my patience.   I have a long way to go to be a better mom but I'm trying.   I do love my children and want to give them a good life.   I want them to be good people.   I pray for them to grow their own testimonies and want to be part of the LDS church because it is where I place all my faith.

Wesley turns 4 on the 22nd.   It is really bittersweet seeing him grow up.   He is my last baby.   I dream of having another but it may never happen.   I have prayed for it,  but learned that as much as you try to "plan" your family, it truly is out of your hands.   I know am blessed in this life.   As challenging as parenthood is,  I can't imagine living my life without this calling.   Happy Birthday to my July babies!       

Goings on lately

To say it has been a while would be an understatement.  Life has been busy and I have not been keeping up with this blog at all.  Lately we have been enjoying the beautiful spring weather when we can get it.  We just celebrated Easter.  Holidays are more fun as the kids get older and get more excited about them.  I spend more time this Easter reflecting on Jesus Christ more than I ever have.  I really don't think we can comprehend the impact his life had on all our lives.  He literally changed our lives with his sacrifice and his powerful and infinite love.  Here are a few photos from our lives recently:

Xander is 5.5 and Wesley is 3.5.  I can't believe my babies will be 6 and 4 this coming July.  We have a beautiful niece from my brother Mike and his wife Kristen.  She comes to play once in a while and we really enjoy her.  It's weird not having another baby in the home...but you can't really have control over your family or it's size.  I have learned over the last few years that you can't just choose to have a baby and then you'll  magically have one.  You can't even decide if you want a boy or a girl.  I'm not sure how our families our chosen.  I'm sure it has something to do with Premortal existence.  I just know that things don't always work out as planned.  I have had many times where I have been so frustrated and lost faith and hope.  Then I wake myself up and realize that I need to just trust my Heavenly Father and know that he has some kind of plan for me.  It hasn't made the journey any less easier, but it has made me stronger.  I know you can't just have whatever you what when you want it.  It's not a super public thing, but I'll post it here that we are applying for adoption.  We went to an orientation and they said that even if we do everything right, that we only have a 33% of even getting a child to bring home.  I wish we could add onto our family.  I'm trying to be more grateful for what I have and also have a better attitude.  It's hard, but I'm doing my best.