I can't believe it's already November

It feels like only a few weeks ago that I brought Xander home from the hospital, but that was in July and it's aready November. Xander is 16 weeks old now and just had his first big holiday, Halloween. He's now smiling, laughing and baby talking. He's doing great, but I find that I get absolutely nothing out of church anymore. I guess I wont until he goes to nursery.

For Halloween we didn't really do anything even though it's one of our favorite holidays. Well Jerry and I did go to a spook alley and a cornmaze before the holiday, but it would have been fun to have a party or something. I guess it's that time of the year to get ready for the holidays. In a few short weeks I will be pulling out all the Christmas decorations. I am excited to finally have Christmas off this year. I haven't had Christmas off since 2003! I have worked every Christmas since I have been married. Now that Halloween is over, the stores will be full of Christmas stuff. I have Thanksgiving off this year too, and I said I would make Thanksgiving dinner for the first time ever, but that's still up in the air. Here are some fun pictures from Halloween.

I survived!

I just wanted to let everyone know that we survived my first week back at work. It's not easy but we made it work. I hope things will work out and I can be a stay at home mom someday but right now I just have to be patient. Xander seems to be handling things okay despite getting moved around to different people everyday. Well my mom watches him at least once a week and then Jerry stays home from work to watch Xander until I finish my shift. He then has to go to work at night on those days that I work. We might try to look into daycare again, but I do like the idea that he is watched by Jerry and my mom while I work. Daycare is just scary because you have to really trust that your baby is in good hands. I know most of the time that a baby is in good hands at a daycare but it's still hard.

Life is going okay, but nothing exciting is coming up. All the big events that happen with a new baby are over. The excitement and the visitors have died down. All the baby showers are over. Xander already had his baby blessing with all the visitors. He has a lot of people who love him very much.

Jerry has a cousin who had a baby the day after Xander was born. She finally had her blessing this last Sunday. Jerry got to go to that with Xander and see some family. He was talking to his aunt as she was holding Xander. She was telling Jerry how much his mom would have loved her little grandson. It really made me think about what is missing in our lives right now. Jerry's mom passed away when he was 16 from lung cancer. She had been a serious smoker for quite a few years. I never got to meet my mother in law. I have no idea what that is like to have that relationship. I know Jerry misses his mom. Xander and I will never know her in this life. He is lucky to have one set of grandparents. My parents are only in their 40's so I think they will be in Xander's life for a long time. The saddest thing about Jerry's mom passing away is that she smoked and got lung cancer. If she had just quit or never picked up that awful habit she could be part of our lives right now! Smoking is such an awful and selfish habit, especially if you are a parent. Save money and your lives and quit smoking. I just wish I could have met her and Xander could have another grandma.

Changes

When a new baby is born, families and friends always debate about who the baby takes after the most. I will let you decide for yourself. We combined our baby photos, all around the same age. In my opinion Xander got a good mix between the both of us. I'm on the left and Jerry is on the right.

Just when life starts to get normal and routine something else has to change and completely throw life off balance. The dreaded day is finally less than a week away. I have to go back to work next Tuesday. I have to leave my poor little guy, but I know he will be in good hands. We tried to find daycare, but either they didn't want a baby so young or they wouldn't take a baby part-time. My mom and Jerry will be taking care of Xander while I am at work. I feel bad, but I have to go make some money.

On a lighter note, Xander is doing really well. He's almost to his 3 month birthday and gaining weight like crazy. He has put on so much weight, I wonder if it's too much. He was only 6lbs 6oz at birth. Yesterday I weighed him using my Wii Fit and it said he was about 14.8lbs! He is only 11 weeks old. I just don't want him to get too big too fast. It makes me feel sad. I miss how little he was when he was born. At the same time though I don't miss those first few weeks. I didn't have anything figured out yet. I would do things so much different if I could go back in time to when Xander was a newborn.

I have finally figured out a routine with Xander. He wakes me up anywhere between the hours of 5am to 7am and I have to feed him. He then passes out for a few more hours but doesn't want to sleep in his crib anymore. I eat breakfast and then get us both ready to go to the gym. I get in a good workout and then we go home for the rest of the day. Jerry comes home at 5:30pm and then he wants to hold Xander and play with him. I then go make dinner while he is watching him. We figure out what we will be doing for the evening whether it be shopping or just watching TV. We try to put Xander to bed by 8:30 so we can spend a little time together.

Working out has finally started to pay off for me. I started going back to the gym when Xander was 4 weeks old and I now go at least 4-5 times a week. I am finally losing weight. I hope I can get back down to a healthy weight soon. I will try to remain optimistic. I'm losing weight and Xander is gaining weight.

Photobucket Album

Baby Blessing

Alexander is 8 weeks old today and finally got his baby blessing. It was a really neat experience to let his daddy give him a special blessing. I just can't believe we have had this baby home with us for 8 weeks. There is a lot of adaptation to be made. We are finally getting more sleep by putting Xander on a schedule and not worrying about having him fall asleep before putting him down. I was surprised at how many people showed up to support us. Of course my family came, including my parents, my brother, my sister and brother-in-law. My grandparents and some other extended family came too. It was good to see everybody. It is just a reminder to me that I need to be more supportive and do more for my extended family and my friends. Life is not really too exciting though. I have to leave my baby and go back to work in a few weeks. I just hope life doesn't get too crazy when Jerry and I are both working and making sure Xander is taken care of when we can't watch him. I hope we can get a list of people who can care for him so we can go do more things as a couple. Even though I have to return back to work, I am still excited for October. I have my birthday, there is Halloween and it is when you realize that Fall has finally come. There are the beautiful colored leafs and the temperature outside cools down, but not too much. We are going to try to look for a cute Halloween costume for Xander. Obviously he is way too young to get candy, but it is just for the pictures. Well life is good, not exciting and full of adventure right now, but good.

I just wanted to post another blog to show off my cute pictures we had done just this last week. Life is just insane bringing a baby into the mix. I'm off work for 12 weeks, so I just take care of the baby all day and then pass off some duties to Jeremiah when he gets home from work. It is going to be hard going back to work but I need to contribute. It's just not possible right now for me to be a stay at home mom. I never even imagined myself as a mom, but now that I have a baby, I just step in and try to take care of him the best that I can. There are a lot of people out there who are better at this job than me. I just hope I am doing all that I can to take care of him. When Alexander first came home, I was feeling restless like I needed to get out of the house as much as possible, but now I'm in a routine with him. There are ups and downs and I have been permanently tired since I had him 3 weeks ago, but I love how it feels to look at his little face and hold him in my arms. I know that he is a gift and I need to enjoy every moment while he is so young and needs his mommy. I truly know how it feels to be a proud parent now. There is no way to ever be prepared for this, but I couldn't imagine my life without having at least one child.

Our Baby is Here!

Jerry and I got two big shocks this last weekend. I was just surviving my work week, feeling kind of miserable and tired. I started developing this itching problem primarily in my hands and feet. The itching was so severe that I would have a panic attack and want to scratch off my skin. It kept getting worse every morning when I would wake up, and I would be so frustrated when I finally rolled in to work. I found out that this condition could be associated with my liver. It's called Cholestasis of pregnancy and it's horrible!
On Saturday night I got off of a 12 hour shift at work and Jerry dragged me the movies to watch Hellboy II. We made it through the movie and then I needed to go to bed immediately so I could wake up at 3am for my next 12 hour shift. I was 3 weeks away from my due date of Aug 4th and not feeling great but not having any idea I was going to go into labor. I was in bed by about 9:30pm and kept getting up to use the restroom and drink water. At about 11:35pm I woke up and was just laying down when a gush of water came out all over my sheets. I knew what had happened, but it's still quite a shock, especially still being 3 weeks away from my due date. Jerry was downstairs staying up late and playing video games. He came upstairs and I let him know that my water broke. I was a little freaked because I knew that regardless of if I was having contractions or not, I was going to have the baby within 24 hours. Contractions started immediately and we made it to the hospital around 1am after scrambling around our house packing a hospital bag. They didn't start out too bad, but they didn't feel good either. I was determined to go natural and not get any drugs or an epidural. We did lots of walking and that really progressed my labor. I just breathed through the horrible cramps and then felt fine once they went away. They had me hooked up to 2 monitors when I came in, one for the baby's heart and one for my contractions. I would dread it each time I saw the contraction monitor numbers rising. Everything was progressing fast until they put me in the jetted tub. For most women, being able to relax during labor usually progresses things, but everytime I relaxed, it slowed down my labor. I had no choice but to walk and pace around, all activities that tire you for the pushing part! I finally got to pushing and didn't think I would make it. Everyone was so encouraging that at the end I got an adrenaline rush and by 9:44am on July 13, 2008 our baby came into the world. He was 6lbs 60z and 19 1/4 inches.
Here is the second surprise. We were expecting a little girl and had a girl nursery with little girl things. I am laying on the delivery room bed exhausted and relieved that the baby came. They place the baby on my stomach and I immediately notice something wrong. This baby has "boy parts." They didn't even have to say "It's a boy!" for me to know what was going on. We had a name picked out for a boy luckily. I didn't get my Octavia, I got an Alexander. I still replay that scene over and over in my head, the first time I saw my baby. I know that I am blessed and meant to have a son, but with the postpartum emotions I feel sad that I didn't get my little girl. I guess maybe next time. Of course we will be waiting for a little while for a second baby! We had to order a new nursery set and will have a boy room soon. It's all so crazy. I'm still supposed to be pregnant, but now I am up for late night feedings and diaper changes. I just hope life gets back to a routine and I learn to live with this sweet little guy.